You’re getting in the way of your own goals. Here’s how to deal.
No matter how desperately you want to reach a fitness milestone, whether that’s a squat PB, HYROX finish, or first-ever pull-up, there’s a chance you’re getting in your own way.
Self-sabotage — having thought patterns and behaviors that prevent you from achieving your goals — is common among both recreational and elite athletes, says Michelle Montero, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and sport psychology consultant in Chicago.
Think of it as a shield; self-sabotage protects you from fear of failure (or success), imposter syndrome, vulnerability, and other forms of discomfort, says Montero. As such, there are many ways it can manifest in fitness spaces.
Say you set a goal to complete 100 group fitness classes in a year. A perfectionist at heart, you start strong and come to the Club three times a week for a few months. Then, you go on vacation and pause your training. If you tell yourself, “I broke my streak. What’s the point of trying anymore?” — that’s self-sabotage, says Montero.
“Instead of accounting for the times where [they’re] not going to do this, and that's okay, they may just quit,” she explains. “But then they're upset because they didn't really meet their goals, and they may not pick it back up.”
Self-sabotage can also look like having a poor sleep or fueling routine, training inconsistently, or neglecting recovery — whether you do it intentionally or not. This might happen if you have you are set on running a half-marathon, for example, but you are also afraid of what you believe is a “bad” finish time. According to Montero, you can then justify your poor performance to yourself: “It isn't actually a reflection of my ability. I didn't prepare.” That’s much easier psychologically to digest than knowing you did all the prep work required for a strong finish but still didn’t meet your goal, she explains.
Your self-talk can also be an act of self-sabotage, says Montero. Say you’re trying to lift heavy weights or you’re participating in a run club for the first time. If you constantly claim you’re “not really an athlete” or “not a runner,” she says, “you're discounting yourself before you've even given yourself a chance.” You’re reinforcing the idea that you don’t belong in those spaces. And that can make you more likely to give up on the activity.
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How to Stop Self-Sabotage
To prevent self-sabotage, focus on the process rather than the outcome, says Montero.
If you want to build more muscle and strength but are intimidated by barbell lifts, you might set a bite-sized goal of setting up a consultation with a COACH. Once that’s checked off, you can take the next step of watching video demos of the exercises. Then, you might try a few unloaded barbell reps at a time when the Club isn’t so busy. You’ll be less likely to self-sabotage if you give yourself small opportunities to feel successful and aren’t so fixated on a goal that might take weeks or months to achieve. “That builds self-confidence and self-efficacy, which is always going to help you in whatever you're doing,” says Montero.
As you tackle those small goals, pay attention to your self-talk, she suggests. Did you bail on trying unloaded barbell exercises because there were other people nearby? Avoid spiraling with thoughts like, “I’m not strong enough to be using a barbell anyway,” or, “I might as well quit and go back to dumbbells.”
“We tend to be very internally self-critical,” says Montero. “What that actually does is set you up to not do what you want to do. It sends you back into that feedback loop of self-sabotage. Like, ‘I’m not supposed to be here anyway.’” Treat yourself with compassion and reframe those negative thoughts into positive ones: “I’m strong now and I’m capable of getting even stronger,” or, “I deserve to be here just like everyone else.”
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It’s helpful to ask yourself: What’s motivating you to set this ambitious goal in the first place? You might realize you can achieve that goal in a way that doesn’t make you so overwhelmed and likely to self-sabotage. If you, a person who does not run or enjoy cardio, commit to a marathon to connect with your race-loving daughter, "you are setting yourself up to not complete that and then feel bad about yourself,” says Montero. “If the motivator behind this is to bond with your daughter…there may be lower-lying fruit, more successful ways of doing that than this.” Maybe that’s trying a 5K fun walk/run or going hiking together instead.
Still, stopping self-sabotage requires getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. “I think that's something that, on a large scale, our society kind of misses,” says Montero. “…But we don't grow or develop or progress in anything without discomfort.”